My favorite Christmas

A good friend of mine who is a wonderful creative writer suggested that this Christmas we might give a gift of writing up our favorite Christmas growing up and giving it as a gift.   It made me think of my favorite Christmas immediately.  I was about 9 years old and we were living in Pennsgrove NJ.  For Christmas I wanted a watch so badly that I cried because I didn't think I would get one.  I opened package after gift and so far no watch.  Finally in the toe of my Christmas stocking was the Parker Watch that I coveted.   I was one happy little girl.  I kept that watch for years because to me it was a symbol of the love of my mom and dad.

This was also the same Christmas that my brother was having doubts about the existence of Santa Clause when all of a sudden he saw Santa walk around the side of the house.  Boy did he run up the stairs to bed.  We were very happy kids and lucky to be together.

Paper bag monsters

Cooper and Cole love to do arts and crafts type of activities.  This was a great exercise making paper bag monsters.  Cooper's monster is on the left and Cole's is on the right

Cooper is 6 and Cole is 3 and what is so interesting is the skill each one has for their age. I also cannot get over how Cole is so ahead for his age because he wants to do what ever his big brother does.

Being the oldest child I never felt I was competing.  I can now understand how my brother must have felt sometimes,  Regardless of the family dynamics both boys are so much fun to work with and get to know.  I am the luckiest grand mother.

Is a Nursing Home in my future?

A lot of my friends and I are beginning to realize that as we get older we might not be able to take care of ourselves any longer.  The prospect of going to a nursing home is not a happy one.  We know folks, family, or friends have gone to homes and the limited opportunities due to costs is daunting.

I think of my own Mom who lived with me for 3 years and then when she got so sick went to a nursing home where she lived for 6 months before she died. I found a letter she had written to a friend and I could hear in the letter the frustration she felt it not getting her favorite foods or being able to go fishing.  She was also so glad that we came often to see her and tried to bring her things but I must admit I have always been sorry I didn't take her fishing.   All that makes me wonder about myself and the loneliness of it all if I have to go to a home.  A good friend of mine died recently after several months in independent living facility. She went to hospice.  Seeing her, remembering my own Mom's experience, and listening to friends only amplifies how lonely life can be.

My family is very thoughtful about coming over and checking up on me.  I am so lucky to have the boys around and Matt and Ashley.  They help me deal with all the old age frailties by bringing joy and life into mine.  I will always be so grateful.

I keep writing in my head

I haven't been very good about writing every week in my block but am going to try and be better.   I write lots of blog entries in my head and even write a few down but somehow they never reach the blog itself.   I've been sick again.  A couple of weeks ago the family got a stomach virus and were all sick with the "throw-ups" as the boys call it.  I stayed away from them which is hard but then in spite of all the handwashing and good efforts I got it last week end.   Finally getting over it.  It's these little set backs that drive you crazy.   So I decided it was time to get back to writing and quit feeling sorry for myself.

Independence Day

Its been quite a journey since I last wrote in my blog.  Sickness, packing, moving and returning to Austin Texas were in the cards.  I am now in an apartment about 4 blocks from the gang who are within walking distance from the cousins and the elementary school Cooper will attend.  We are back closer to family and friends and are adjusting to the new arrangement.   Cooper and Cole spent the night about a week ago and that was special. 

So I am now independent and getting use to being by myself again.  Ashley and Matt found the apartment and had everything set up which was a huge help.  It's been 5 years since I lived alone and while I had forgotten that way of life it is all coming back to me.  I miss the day to day contact with the children but they come over quite a bit and we get together every Sunday.  Going with the flow is really important.  Cooper is getting older and pretty soon he will want to do his own thing. Life keeps changing and while I miss living with them I am realizing I have a few friends in Austin and life is good.

Family

Its wonderful to live with your family and see what good parents Matt and Ashley are and to see the love they have for the boys and the love the boys have for them.  Today was Coooper' s 6th birthday and he is quite grown up.   It was a great day. Star Wars and Legos filled the day.  He is quite grown up and I am learning a lot from him. Who would have thought children could teach you so much.

Santa Clause is Coming

It's always fun to see the pictures of the boys with Santa Clause.   This year there were no tears.  Every year we get the Jackie Lawson Advent Program and count down the days to Christmas and the birth of Christ.   The boys come running down in the morning to see what the day brings.   Sometimes its trees to decorate or a parade and the music and activity are delightful. It's a fun way to prepare and a great opportunity to discuss a lot of different things.  I treasure this moments with the boys.

October came and went and so did November

You would think I was the busiest person alive. Why I haven't written in my blog is beyond me.   It just goes to show you how time really does fly.   Anyway here it is November 28 the day after Thanksgiving and I have had a wonderful November.  On the 2nd of November I flew into Houston and visited with friends for three weeks. It's one thing to talk to your friends on email and the phone but it is nothing like being with them and sharing old and new times.  Ashley and Matt and the boys were coming to her parents for Thanksgiving and also to celebrate Christmas since there will be no flying because little Townes will arrive on January 5.  The boys also love to see there Cousins, Hank, Maryella and Hill so it's a great time for the whole family to get together and play and laugh.  So this was a great chance for me to come early, fly into Houston and come home with them after Thanksgiving.   It also provided a nice break for all of us to be away from each other.   I missed the boys so much but it was still good to see old friends.

If you're happy and you know it...

These Crowley boys are the happiest guys.   They wake up happy and go to bed happy,   This morning I heard them trying to talk Mom into making pancakes.  Cole is really singing and talking now and of course repeats everything his brother says,

Clap your hands...

Right before Cooper left for Kindergarten he came down to my apartment and let me know that I shouldn't give Cole any snacks or let him watch TV while he was gone.  He said it wouldn't be fair.  It's amazing what they come up with.

Stomp your feet

I wish I could remember every precious thing they say.  Somedays my heart swells because they are so precious and such fun.

Shout Horray!

We sing this song a lot fun but it's really true.  You can't help but do all three when you are so lucky to hear them call your name or want you to read to them or realize you have something wonderful.  Just to see them grow and change is worth it all.

If your happy and you know it let them know.

Geez where does the time go?

I had promised myself that I would write every week in my blog but some how the days and weeks go flying by and all I have in my mind are headings and some ideas that never get written down.  For instance I love the title "What is joy if it goes unrecorded and love if not shared"! I had great ideas for that blog and enjoyed writing it down in my mind.   I see so much joy every day.  Then there is the title I came up with after our annual trip to Florida and the beach " The Summer of Yes"! Matt declared that this summer was the summer of yes.  Yes you can have gum! Yes you can watch spongebob square pants! Yes you can have candy! and so our vacation went.  This from the same guy who once said mom I think I have a radioactive hand when he experienced his hand falling asleep for the first time. One title idea I really liked was "Perfection is in the moment"!   I had just finished watching an episode of Call the Midwife.  The humanity of the stories call to me and reminds me of my own humanity.    The joy in the boys faces when they think they have caught me or when they come running to hug me.   Watching them play together and Cole copy everything Cooper does and says. The squeals and giggles.  So many precious moments.  I'll trying harder to keep up with the thoughts.

Tau and Nite Nite

Funny how children name things. Cooper call's his special blanket his "Tau" and Cole calls his blanket his "Nite, Nite".   The other night Matt and Ashley were out and I went up to their bedroom to be closer to the kids.   Cooper was I thought asleep in their bed but when I went to lay down he said, hi Gee.  I said I thought you were asleep and he said well I've been counting sheep.   I've counted 18 so far and can't fall asleep.   We chatted for awhile and then he asked me to get his Tau for him from his bedroom.   Once I gave him his Tau he went sound asleep.  Cole of course was already asleep with his nite nite.  He wraps himself up in his.  I guess we all have our comfort items or food.   Both boys do many things alike but also have their special names for what is important to them.  The boys have taught me so much.  They are pure joy to watch.

You ought to be writing in your blog

A friend just reminded me and I must admit I don't know where the time has gone since my last entry.   Cooper has turned 5 years old in February and every day he reminds me of how strong 5 year olds are.  You can see the changes in both boys.  Cole will be 2 in April.   Actually they have been the focus of all my attention these past 3 months.  There is much to write about and I promise to get with it.  Ashley's family came to visit, Ken came from Chicago, and this weekend the cousins are coming during their spring break.  We are having lots of rain right now but am looking forward to the tulip season and all the beautiful flowers.  So far health is holding up and I have been working on an article about things to think about when you come to live with your children.  I think I'll start printing it on my blog.  More to follow.  Thank you Joyce for reminding me to write.

Oh the things we do for love

The other evening I looked up and saw my 6ft 8inch son cutting out paper dolls for his son who had printed them off the computer.  I heard him say don't ask me to do this again.   Later I remembered his mom had sewed him the most wonderful Halloween costume and every evening both grandsons plead with their dad to chase them around the house pinching his fingers together like a crab.  You can hear him yelling the pinchers are coming and when he stops the boys "yell more daddy more"!  Of course I will do anything for them and often find myself just looking at them and thinking how much we all love them.  Yes there is a lot of love here and many more wonderful moments to come.

It's hard to be lonely or down when you play Go Fish and War all afternoon

The Crowley boys really keep me hopping.  They love to play games and when we play cards we wind up with all the cards all over the place.  They also love to march around the couch and love it when their dad plays pinchers with them.  Pinchers is when dad snaps his fingers like a crab claw and chases them all over the place.  All you can hear is the boys shouting "More, More"!   I wish all my friends who don't have grandkids could experience the joy and fun of playing.   You don't have time to think of yourself and even though we are getting older everyday you get to tap into the joy of new life.  What a celebration!

The fix-it lady

I am now the fix-it lady and everyone in the house comes and asks me to fix things.  Everytime a toy breaks here comes Cole and Cooper asking me to use my special glue to fix it.  Ashley needs a needle so out comes my box of buttons and needles.   Matt needs a button sewed on his shirt so the fix-it lady goes to work on it.  I can just here the grandkids saying someday how much they miss the fix-it lady.   I guess it is good to be known for something.  I also hope they know how much they are loved and how much fun they are.  

A friend is a wonderful gift

Not sure why it has taken me so long to write in my blog.   We have been to the beach in Florida, settled back in at home, and I have been busy with the Mercer Island Women's Club which is a great friendly group of women on the Island.  But back to my thoughts about what a wonderful gift a friend is.   Ashley and the kids went to Austin for a week and my good friend Jinny came to visit from Houston.   We had a ball.   It was so good to get up every morning and have coffee together and talk and talk and talk.  One great thing about a friend who has know you for over 50 years is that they have seen all sides of you and all the ups and downs.   You don't have to hide or explain everything you say because they already know what you are thinking.   We went out to lunch, visited the Luther Burbank Park (beautiful views of lake Washington) and I drug her to the casino.  A day before she went back to Texas the kids came home and she got to see them in all their glory. It was a peaceful relaxing visit and came at a great time.   Thank you Jinny!    I'm looking forward to more visits from friends and plan to spend time in January in Houston and Austin doing some visiting myself.

I love you too, Big One

Cooper is so much fun.   The other day when he was going upstairs I said to him, " I love you, little one!"   His response so seriously was " I love you too, Big One".   These are the moments you are so glad that you are here so that you don't miss the charm and uniqueness of each grandchild.   

It has been awhile since my last entry and am not sure where the time goes.  Am getting more involved in the Mercer Island Women's Club and really enjoy and appreciate the kindness and warmth of the group.   It is interesting though being older and new and seeing how you come across to a younger group who do not know you or your background.   I rarely think of myself as older but I am.   This experience has helped me understand my own family's reaction and I am beginning to realize that mellowing is not a bad thing.   

Home is where we laugh the most and are loved the best.

Someone sent me a card with this saying on it.   When you reflect on the words you realize how much you miss your own Mom and Dad.   There is something about that unconditional love that gives you so much support and sense of worth.  I am happy to have the chance to keep giving that unconditional love to Matt and Ashley and especially to Cooper and Cole.   It is heart warming too to see them give that love to there children.   If only we could keep passing that down and laughing together we will be ok.  

A lot has happened

It has been some time since my last entry.   Matt accepted a job in Seattle Washington and we have been through the selling of our house in Austin, packing and sending all our possessions to Seattle, and traveling on Alaska Airlines for 4 hours.  We are here and I must admit it is very peaceful and serene here on Mercer Island where we live.   Ashley and Matt found a great house to lease with 5 bedrooms and a great area for me on the first floor.  The Crowley boys seem to be doing well and for me it is always a great treat to watch them change each day.  Cooper turned 4 years old since we arrived and Cole turned 10 months and I think is on the verge of walking.  Time always seems to fly by.

Well it is quite an experience to be in a new state.   There is so much paper work to find new doctors, get a drivers license and new car plates.  Seattle is hard for me to drive in especially because it is so difficult to find parking.  I am going to hire a car to go to the doctor and get my coumadin checked.  I have finally identified doctors and am working on all the other paper work including taxes. Much more to say later.

Understanding old people when they are sick

It is probably hard enough for our children to understand us under any circumstances but when you are sick it seems to be even more difficult.   Your family has so many things going on in their life and you the sick one has only yourself to focus on in the illness.  Fortunately I can manage my own pills, doctor visits, etc. but little things can drive you crazy for example:
1. Taking pills.   I have to take so many pills just getting them ready every morning wears me out.   You have to take most of them with food so it means finding something you can eat in the Am, noon and at night to take with each set of pills. I have to have my coumadin level checked periodically and this is another challenge to keep track of.   I think it is the routine of carefulness that is so tiring.   It is important to carry your list of medications with you and review them with any health care professional so that you don't mix the wrong drugs.

2. Looking good and feeling terrible.   I try to take care of my hair and clothes and when you look yourself everyone thinks you feel good too.   Not so.   No one wants to go around looking like poor me.  Please don't get me wrong.  I am very grateful for everything my son and daughter-in-law does for me and I love living with them and the grandkids but there are differences and trying to understand them is important at least for the older person who has to really deal with them.  Right now my heart problems are complicated with a fractured disc in my back.   This is really frustrating because you can't bend over, pick up the kids or do regular straightening of your room.   Of course no one but you understands why doing any of that would make you feel better.   Just another thing you have to live with.
3. Finally going to the emergency room is no fun.   I am blessed to have good care givers at Austin Diagnostic Clinic.   My general physician has email and is always responsive to requests and information sent to her.   The cardiologists all take good care of you and Dr. Mejia my cardiologist is appreciated.   But it is very lonely waiting for tests and then next steps.   I am blessed with years of training in meditation and Healing touch and that helps the loneliness.

I hope these rambling thoughts help my kids understand a little about what it is to be old.  I'm sorry they have to go through this with me but I am really glad they are there for me and I thank them for all they do.